It hurts more, I think, that he’s done this during such a trying time for me. This last year has been a struggle. I’ve gained weight, been pregnant, had babies, lost weight, gained weight, and have all along been thinking of and working for our family. I don’t feel the best about my appearance (I was so hot when we started dating, and now I’m kind of a mess, and he’s just coming into his looks). I sacrificed my career, first for our home and wedding, and now for our kids.
His life is basically uninterrupted. He goes to work doing something he likes, socializes all day with like-minded people, and then comes home to dinner and fun playing with the boys before putting them to bed. Sure, we argue more and have sex less, but we always make up quickly. He had low self-esteem all his life, so I make sure to tell him that I love him, and compliment him, and do little things for him (notes in his lunches lots of days, always Nutella in the pantry for him).
I’m not perfect. I’m kind of fat, and frumpy most days. I’m quick to yell, and Type A all the way, which means he hears about it when he does something wrong. I know I don’t let much slide.Both boys have gotten bloody-owie-hurt under his watch in the last three days and my blame-dealing self didn’t handle it well.
But I was a catch when he caught me, and I think I deserve to be with someone who thinks he’s luck to have caught me every day.
This is not P right now, and I’m so hurt.
For the record, he knows he’s a “lying, cheating piece of shit,” and he’s all about counseling. He deleted his Google voice account and told trashy-Chili’s girl that he’s done (after I talked to her, which is another story).
(me, when P and I started dating and I was his “hot girlfriend.” Yes, I’m trying to make myself feel better.)
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findthebrightside liked this
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carolineandco said:
It sounds like you are blaming yourself for some of this, and you need to stop. Without knowing either of you, from what I read, this is NOT your fault. Be proud of who are you are now.
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erthy-e said:
**HUGS** Men are wired so differently. Im sure he loves you, not that it makes it acceptable
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thisiskml said:
This is the thing, Jill. You are STUNNING. I know you don’t think so but you are. This is not about looks and it’s not about something you’ve done wrong. There is no excuse so stop blaming yourself. I am here for you, honey. No judging. Just love.
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popkelture said:
Honey. Let me know what I can do. Even if you just want to come over and hang out here, you’re welcome to ANYTIME. I love you.
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lauren-life said:
You’re still stunning so don’t even think for one second that your not!
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afterthebump said:
So sorry you’re going through this. *Hugs*
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chiccritique posted this
