Some girls dream of their wedding, others of their first home…but I have spent my life looking forward to the day I get to give my energy to a child of my own (I will teach our children fractions using pieces of cake, cultivate their curiosity through urban adventures and love them with every inch of my heart).
I always figured having a family would be fairly straightforward…first comes love, then comes marriage…and before you know it here comes Baby H. in a super-sweet baby carriage. Right?
Turns out, life is a little more complicated than the limerick suggests.
Initially, Simon and I decided to wait because he was a law student…and the thought of bringing a baby into the world with only one employed parent was a little too daunting. And then we pushed off family planning because I was employed in the fourth circle of hell (look it up), and I did not have the emotional wherewithal or physical strength to even consider bringing another life into the world.
I have a healthy new job, a gainfully employed lawyer husband and a sweet ass insurance package (with a stipulation that says you must be employed for a year before you are eligible for maternity leave. fair enough).
We are close…well, closer.
Truthfully, the fact that we don’t have a child yet makes me sad, every single solitary day…but I continue to pray and hope and wait for the day it is our turn!
It is all I want.
And I know that when it finally happens, we are gonna have the neatest little family.
This post made me cry. And think about all the planning that we all do. Anything we can’t do/afford/take time for now? Plan to do it in the future. And then we assume it will happen when we tap into that desire again. That we can make it happen.
My experience thus far with infertility has really made me question this, changing me as a person, from a can-do/bootstrap-pulling/put-your-back-into-it type, to a less optimistic but more hopeful, and more faith-dependant version of myself. It’s scary to have your family’s future dependent on your body’s (un)willingness to cooperate, and put all your dreams in the hands of a doctor.
Can you tell that we’ve had another setback with the baby-making? (Theoretically) we’re on track for March now, but I’m looking at April, thinking that it will be a year since we kicked it into high gear, and a year and a half since we started “trying”.
It’s so difficult to allow myself to relax, because my dreams are full of the adorable little family I know we can be. Guh - I’m tearing up again.
Best of luck to Emily when it’s her family’s time.
Marcella & Johan Lindeberg, William Rast
Justin Thornton & Thea Bregazzi, Preen
Maria Cornejo, Zero + Maria Cornejo
Carly Cushnie and Michelle Ochs, Cushnie et Ochs
Swaim and Christina Hutson, Generra
Marios Schwab, Halston
Italo Zucchelli, Calvin Klein Menswear
Brian Wolk and Claude Morais, Ruffian
Miho Aoki and Thuy Pham, United Bamboo
Tia Cibani, Ports 1961
Custo Dalmau, Custo Barcelona
Raul Melgoza, Luca Luca
Victoria Bartlett, VPL
^ Designers describing their F2010 collections, via The Cut ^
Thrilled for Fashion Week - especially so for Michael Kors and Halston (not so much for Rodarte, even though they’re the toast of the town - I just don’t get those Mulleavys).
This season will be bittersweet though, as it’s the last for the tents at Bryant Park. I’m excited to see how the new venue fares, but 12-year old me who watched Fashion Files on E! like clockwork each season is a bit weary.